Have you ever heard the expression “everything happens for a reason”? I have heard this many times in my life, most recently from a good friend of mine, when something negative happened to her. This made me start thinking about this sentiment and how we should think about it, from a Christian prospective. That is what I would like to talk about here.
Is this sentiment correct? Does everything happen for a reason? It’s easy to understand why this sentiment exists. Let’s start by talking about another somewhat related sentiment that we know is correct, because Scripture is clear about it.
Romans 8
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
First of all, it is important to realize that this promise is not made to everyone. So, who is it made to? It is made to, and only to, “those who are the called according to His purpose”. In a nutshell, this is those who love God, those who have repented of their sin and have submitted to Him as Lord and Master. In other words, this promise applies specifically to Christians. Everything, in the life of a Christian, will ultimately be worked for their good.
So then, does God cause everything to happen that happens in the life of a Christian?
It is clear that God does allow things to happen that are not in His will. For example, it is not His will that anyone not enter into a relationship with Him.
2 Peter 3
9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
Of course, not everyone does come to have a relationship with Jesus. Not everyone is a Christian. However, this is clearly not His will. So, He clearly allows things that are not in His will to happen.
Not everyone does come to Him and, because of that, sin abounds. And it isn’t just non-Christians that Sin. Look at the words of Paul, probably the greatest Christian evangelist who ever lived.
Romans 7
14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.
15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.
19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
Paul, who probably contributed more to the cause of Christ than any other one man , and who also wrote much of the New Testament, was very open about his struggle with sin. However, just 4 verses later, he was also clear about the fact that, ultimately, there is still freedom from sin, in Jesus Christ.
Romans 7
24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Clearly, even Christians do sin. Just as clearly, even in the life of a Christian, God does not will that sin and has nothing to do with causing that sin. Consider the following Scripture.
James 1
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone.
14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.
15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
Sinful choices are made all of the time, both by Christians and non-Christians, choices that God had nothing to do with. Those choices impact not only the lives of those who made them but also impact the lives of others, both non-Christians and Christians. So, many things do happen, even in the life of a Christian, of which it cannot be said “they happened for a reason”, because God did not make them happen, more did He want them to happen.
Having said that, Romans 8:28 is still true. Everything, in the life of a Christian, will ultimately be worked for their good. Not everything that happens was made by God to happen for a reason. However, everything that happens, including things He would not have wanted to have happened, He will work out for the good of His children.
So, if everything ends up working for the good anyway, why am I making the distinction that it is not true that everything is made to happen, by God, for a reason? There are multiple reasons but one of the biggest ones, and the one I want to focus on now, is this:
Sinful actions and attitudes often result in fear, fear of pain and rejection, which is not of God, and does not reflect God’s love.
1 John 4
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
19 We love Him because He first loved us.
All human relationships are to be modeled on the relationship between God and us. After all, we are to love one another in the same way Christ loves us (Ephesians 5:1-2). However, there are two primary and specific human relationships that are intended, by God, to symbolize the relationship between God and us. They are the relationship between husband and wife and the relationship between parent and child. It is within these relationships that God’s love should most clearly be demonstrated and felt. It is important to realize that many things can happen, within these relationships, which are not of God. If those actions are not put in the proper context, they can cause misperceptions of Who God is and His love toward us.
If you are a wife who has been abused, betrayed, or neglected by her husband, that was not of God. Dating relationships are not at all equivalent to marital relationships, in God’s eyes, but they are the forerunner to marital relationships and, therefore, mistreatment there too can cause misperceptions of the nature of God’s love. If you are a child who has been abused, rejected, or abandoned by a parent, that was not of God. It was not your fault, it was not of God, and it did not happen for a reason. God can bring healing. He can take what happened and work through it, to bring you and others closer to Him. He will do these things, if you will seek Him and if you will let Him. But make no mistake, these things were not of Him and does not at all reflect one thing about the way He feels toward you. Real love does not cause fear. True love, God’s love, drives out fear (1 John 4:18). God loves you so much. Please don’t let past pain, inflicted outside God’s will, blind you to that fact. Please don’t let your past negative experiences with human relationships dull your understanding of just how incredibly much He does love you.
So why does God allow sinful choices and other choices that are outside His will? For one thing, without choices, there can be no real relationships. Let’s think about that.
When I asked my wife to marry me, I did just that, I asked her. I did not tell her that she was going to marry me. I don’t think doing it that way would have worked very well. Before that, I did not tell her that we were going to go out on a date, I asked her, and I was pretty nervous about it too. I was nervous because her answer was not a forgone conclusion. She had a choice to say yes or no and she had a lot of reasons to say no. I was a divorced blind guy with three kids and when she said yes, especially to the marriage, she was also saying yes to all the potential complications that went with that situation. I couldn’t make her say yes and, even if I could have, I wouldn’t have. Love cannot be forced. A forced yes would have been meaningless. In order for “yes” to be meaningful, “no” also must be a possibility. It was the very fact that she had a choice that gave her choice meaning. She knew what she was getting into, at least somewhat, and even though she didn’t have to and had plenty of reason not to, she chose me.
God chose me too but, because we have free will, my answer is not a forgone conclusion. In order for “yes” to be meaningful, “no” also must be a possibility. It’s the same way for God and you.
For a lot more about relationships and choices, you can take a look at my article, “Chosen For His Love”.
So, although God is completely sovereign, He does allow things to happen that are outside His will, not because He does not love us, but because He does love us, so much, and because He wants a truly meaningful relationship with us. Because He does love us so much, He will work everything, even the things that He would not have had happen, to ultimately work out for our good. We can take comfort in that. But We can also take comfort from the fact that, some of the negative things that happen, He would not have had happened. He had to let them happen, in part, to keep free will in tact, so that He could have a meaningful relationship with us.
Have you made the choices necessary to have a relationship with Him? If not, please check out the “The Most Important Thing” section of this website. He will be the best friend you have ever had, I can promise you that.
